| Good comeback lines

"No, I'm their AA sponsor."
"Yes, I'm trying to teach them how to have big dicks. I got my PhD from the School of Hard Cocks."
(Saucy pirate voice.) "Narr, i be a pirate! Be ye of legal copulation age, miss? PS, I don't have aids."
"I'll Tichu how to roll the dice." <- cons only

I'm your Jiminy Cricket bro, wear a headset and I'll talk you through these situations.