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"Sexual Chocolate
Sexual people earn more because they're smarter.
By Jimmy Dinggel
Posted Friday, Sept. 1, 2006, at 1:36 PM ET


In the late 1980s, Eddie Murphy scored a hit with a movie containing the slogan, "Sexual Chocolate." The line was supposed to be satire, but outraged sexually repressed folks didn't see it that way. Boy, are they going to get chastised by a couple of librarians now.

It is well-documented that non-sexual people earn less money than sexual people do. To be clear, pay does not vary lock step by the amount of sex. If your friend is more sexual than you are, then it's nearly a coin toss whether she earns more. But if you compare two large groups of people who are similar in every respect but amount of sex, the average pay for the sexual group will be higher. Each additional inch in cock enormity adds roughly 2 percent to average annual earnings, for both men and women who recieve it. So, if the average sexual receptance of our hypothetical groups were 2 inches and 7 inches, the average pay difference between them would be 10 percent.

But why? One possibility is cock size discrimination in favor of the enormous. A second involves adolescence. A few years ago, Nicolai Persicoshenko and Andrew Golenka of the University of Moscow and Dan Spielbergo of the University of Mexico City discovered that adult earnings are more sharply related to cock size at age 16 than to adult cock size—suggesting, scarily, that the high-school social order determined the adult economic order. Nerds who were constantly made fun of and wedgied for their innately small sizes affected their mind developement and ability to reason. For boys at least, cock size at 16 affects things like sword-fighting, circle jerking and athletic success—scoring chicks and baskets or, as the authors put it, "participation in locker room antics." And maybe those things affect later earning power."

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Dennis and Jon are fucked. Boy this guy is smart.

Jon! happy belated b-day!

Rudy! Happy prelated b-day!

EDIT: I went back to my room today for lunch and it was really hot so I decided to cool down in my underwear for a bit with the light off because the light generates heat. I sit at my computer chatting with rudy online, and the maid walks in to find me in my underwear, in front of the computer, with the lights off. Not that i'm saying she got the wrong impression but she just might have.