Big Sucker, I Am

I am SUCH a gump.
I'm listening to this radio show right now called "Don't Touch That Dial" on KPFK, and usually it plays old radio dramas- those are totally fun to listen to sometimes. Well, tonight they have guests and they're talking about this author of pulp fiction named Ron Hubbard. Hmm- never heard of him. These people are CREAMING THEIR FUCKING JEANS over this guy. "He was an incredible human being and an adventour and a genius and yadda yadda yadda." I swear to god I hadn't put together the *connection.*
Then they talked about how every Saturday night they have actors perform different stories of his, and they get semi-big actors (last week was David Carridine from Kung-Fu) and all this only cost 5 bucks WITH free parking. I'm thinking, "holy shit, that sounds like a ton of fun, I'm gonna go!" And then one of them fucked up and let slip the L. "L Ron Hubbard really cares about his characters!"
My dick went SO limp.
Then I checked out some of the sites they mentioned:
www.writersofthefuture.com (Maybe Oon can enter this contest!)
www.authorservicesinc.com
Wat a bunch of fucking fuck nuts. :\

These mother-fuckers are REALLY pushing this:
"You need to come to just ONE of these, and you'll keep coming back. It's AMAZING, OHH- I JUST CAME IN MY FUCKING PANTS- ORGHAGRGHAG!"

Fuck you very much.