Fuck You, Cold Stone Creamery

1. First of all, your ice cream is not that good. It is too expensive, too bland, and too rich, and I always have to take a gross shit right after eating it.

2. More importantly, fuck your business model of making your goddamn, pathetic employees sing every three minutes. What the fuck. Who wrote your business plan, Tom Bombadil? I do not want to go into a goddamn ice cream shop that appears to be run by gnomes and hobbits, I want it to be run by humans. If I put a buck in the tip jar, I do not want one of the employees to announce "We got a tip!" and then for all of the benighted wage slaves to sing a song at me. I especially do not want to hear this song every couple of minutes. Do you also have a song for when you have to close the store, and for when one of your disgruntled employees ejaculates into the freezer? Do not sing this bullshit at me.

Fuck you. You suck.

Ragnar.