Panasonic Movie of the Month: Hear No Evil

Marlee Matlin can “hear no evil.” Why not? Because she is fucking deaf. Coming off her “pander to the handicapable” Oscar win for Children of a Lesser God, Ms. Matlin decided to continue her career as an “actorvist” by starring in this piece of garbage.

Here’s what you learn from this movie:
1. Deaf people are just like real people!

If you’ve seen “Sleeping with the Enemy,” this is like a crappy version of that, combined with a crappy corrupt cops drama combined with Marlee Matlin. If you like deaf people, prepare to have your opinion changed!

I forgot to mention in the list above, but there are some other things I learned:
1. The best way to steal “the most valuable coin in the world,” which is worth a million dollars, is to ride up on horseback to the lone, chubby security guard with a bouquet of flowers in the broad daylight, and then instead of giving her the flowers, shoot her!
2. If the killer is after you because you’ve inadvertantly gotten the coin, and you’re deaf, and suddenly the phone goes dead, which I don’t know how you realize that anyway, look at the cord to see where it’s cut. Then turn the other way, because the killer has teleported to that side of the room!
3. If your new boyfriend is an insomniac and you repeatedly wake him up by accidentally turning on the garbage disposal or setting the fire alarm off by burning toast, just smile and shrug it off. You don’t have to apologize for it, because you’re deaf!
4. MARLEE MATLIN = fUCK Yuo!