| Crapsy=pizza

I have to share this experience with you guys. I have been losing my voice very quickly recently, worse than ever. By the end of my day, it is often like I have laryngitis, whoch makes coaching and talking to the babes tough. So I went to the ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) doc. She looked at my throat and she saw nothing out of the ordinary. She said that I just need to rest it more often and that since I do such strenuous talking on a daily basis, the chances of me losing my voice are greater. Basically, just get over it. Then she looked at my nose and said,

“Oh, wow!”

I ask, “What happened?”

“Have you ever had your nose broken before?”

“Yeah, once in high school in water polo.” I caught a follow-through once from Roger Von Dippe right on my nose. It hurt really badly and I had to go to the doctor to get it fixed.

“Well, your septum is shaped like an ‘S’. I don’t know how you are breathing at all at night. You have total blockage on your left side and about 60% blockage on your right.”

“Hmmm,” I responded. “That could explain my snoring.”

“I want you to go to a sleep clinic as soon as you can.”

“Sleep clinic, eh? That sounds horrible,” I said.

“It’s really not that bad. You sleep in a bed, and we monitor your sleeping patterns overnight. That way we can see if you are having sleep apnea or not. We can then determine if you need an operation.”

That doctor was a fucking liar because it really was that bad. I went in at 9:00 pm to what amounted to your basic hospital room at Torrance Memorial Hospital and this weird Pilipino woman who definitely had a language barrier took half an hour to wire me up. I had wires in my hair, on my face, on my neck and throat, on my back, on my chest, and on my legs. I had a wire coming out of my nose; I had a monitor clamped to my index finger. I told her,

“I usually sleep on my side or on my stomach. How am I supposed to do that here?”

“Oh no. We want you to sleep on your back. Goodnight!” And with that she shut off the lights and left. I sat staring at the ceiling for about an hour and a half, but finally fell asleep.

At 1:30 am she woke me up and made me put on this mask that forces you to breathe out of your nose only. I told her (mind you I was groggy), “That is the fucking problem in the first place. I can’t breathe out of my nose. How in the hell am I supposed to wear that goddamn thing?”

She then asks in a kind of bitchy tone, “So you want to quit this part of the test?”

“Yeah. I want to be left alone.”

“Okay.”

So I rolled over and went back to sleep. At 5:30 am, she wakes me up and says, “Okay, the test is over. You can go home.”

I find out the results on Wednesday. This will determine what kind of operation that I will have to have. It is shaping up to be a fucking killer summer boys!

On another note, has anyone read I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max? He is seriously the most reprehensible guy and a total asshole to the bone, but it is the funniest fucking thin I think I have ever read. Read it!