You've Finally Learned.

Hey man, you can't blame us for trying to make you feel better about yourself, but the truth is, those spam emails are right. If you're not packing at least seven and a half inches, you should just kill yourself, right now, before you even finish reading this sentence, because you will never, ever be able to please a woman. How are you going to audibly slap a woman's ass with a cock that is less than seven inches long? The truth is unless a woman begins to cry when she sees your package for the first time, you are out of luck. Remember that woman crying = MAN STRENGTH. So seriously? Kill yourself. And when you do it, leave your fly open and let your floppy shame noodle hang out of your pants. That way, when they find you, they'll know. No suicide note required.

Why are you still alive? You should have murdered your piteous self like nine sentences ago. Still with me? Well hang on because the news gets worse for you pal.

A lot of people don't admit this but also unless your prostate gland has enough potence that you can ejaculate up into a woman's vagina and have it shoot all the way through her body out of her eye, you are not going to give an orgasm to a woman. Not ever. Even vibrators will not work, for some reason. Fortunately there is a relatively simple suite of exercises you can do to strengthen yourself to this level. Unfortunately these exercises are fatal to anybody whose penis is less than seven inches long, but I would advise trying them anyway, because you have nothing to lose.

You know how when you get an erection, you're pretty much the same coloration? That is a major sign to a smart woman to RUN AWAY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. Because for the rest of us, it requires so much of our precious life's blood to engorge our mammoth stacks that when they are at full bore, so much has been drained from elsewhere that we appear to be little more than pallid, ghastly corpses. And that's how the women love us! In our half-dead cryogenic fuck-states we can pound those bitches for hours.

Another thing you don't know? We have a special term for men who have penises smaller than ours. That term is "women." Check yourself for ovaries pronto.

Basically my frank advice is to take a good long look at yourself in the mirrror. Try to imagine that you are a corpse (which you probably will be soon). Are they going to need a separate coffin to house your manhood? If not, hang your head in shame. It's time to give up.

Sorry, buddy.