You are hilarious, sir, I have no follow-up to that.

As for the minis, I ended up soaking them in a solution called Simple Green (non-toxic, biodegradable cleaning product) for about two days and then taking the toothbrush to 'em. I didn't need to wear gloves or anything, my hand is a little wrinkly like I'd been washing dishes for a while but otherwise OK. The paint came off pretty easily and the minis don't seem any worse for wear.

I think I'll try priming a small batch of these guys this weekend and see if the problem happens again.